You Could've Heard A Heart Break
by Koure
Summary: Angeal never thought that Zack and Cloud's golden relationship would crumble. CloudxZack, ZackxAerith AngealxSephirothxGenesis. Implied AxSxGxC.
1. Chapter 1

I have seen war. I have seen a multitude of battle ready warriors swept down under the clashing blades of greed and honor. I had, before, seen those same men stand solid against the break of dawn; meeting the gaping maw of death head on. In my life, I have seen arguments, and betrayals. Broken hearts, and lonely people. The somber rise of the moon, faintly cast against the brightened night sky of Midgar. In my time, in the twenty-and-some years of my life, I have seen murderers who smirked openly; liars who would never give, and bowed cheaters who could not bear to look me in the eyes.

I never had a problem with my heart being broken, and my two lovers never cheated. There being three of us, the unique variety of our relationship is difficult to capture. Genesis never gets bored, and Sephiroth never fails to question the strange intricacies of our courtship.

I, who fell into the mantle of mentor early in my SOLDIER career, took it as a personal endeavor to guide Zack. Young though he was, I saw good in him. I encouraged honesty, and breathed courageousness. I made every effort to set him on a good path. A happy path.

When he met Cloud I was secretly (though, reflectively, perhaps not as secret as I thought) thrilled. Tempered and introspective, he balanced the energy that Zack possessed. The young blond was a match fit for Zack. He was a calming influence, but not stern. He went along with Zack's rambunctious plans as even I couldn't, but didn't let them get out of hand as Reno was inclined to do. Zack started to settle down. No relationship comes without its difficulties, though. They fought now and again. Though rare, some of the altercations were often explosive in their severity. I could lie, and say that I was proud and glad to see them through their troubles, but often I was simply relieved… And, perhaps, concerned. Cloud had his fair share of problems, things he'd quietly carried from childhood, but we all worked through them. It was hard earning his trust at first, but I like to think that we became friends, great friends. At times, I sometimes long for more than friendship.

Zack didn't like how closed off Cloud could be. As a people person, a solitary lover was much more difficult to deal with than Sephiroth, who simply has no tendency towards sociability. It was his first experience with someone who, bluntly put, not only felt awkward in the presence of others, but held a vague dislike towards people. He felt especially disquieted at having someone he held in such high regard capable of ignoring him so completely, so it seemed. He was unfamiliar with someone holding themselves back so much, from themselves and those around them.

However, Cloud never ignored Zack. It seemed like it at times, but the fact was that Cloud was too observant to ignore anyone. He was aloof only around those he disliked, yet still retained a strange sort of vigilance. With Zack, Cloud was unsure of what to say, or what to do. He had confided in me a few times, explained his actions in a roundabout way by explaining his past. He hadn't had anyone to be particularly close to in his hometown, and aside from his lonely mother, was treated with cruelty by those around him. He spoke thoughtfully, admitting that he'd been an angry child, and that soon into his adolescence had secured himself with the knowledge that, while thoroughly disliked, no one could decide his worth but himself. He fell to childhood bullies, only to rise again later, strong from the forest and mountains, and defy any that tried to hurt him. Adult, or child, he stubbornly battled against assumptions and physical fists, young as he was. It had boosted his ego in the slightest, as well as his physical strength. There was nothing more the town could do, he assumed.

I found myself relating to him as his childhood unraveled before me, recognizing the distant look in his eyes he developed when he spoke of Nibelheim. The parallels behind our lives were thought provoking, and I often spend long moments pondering the similarities, still. Lonely, sad mothers. Hateful little villages. Not enough food. Not enough love.

He was wrong in his assumption that they could do no worse, he told me. I remain horrified at learning that the men of his village had unanimously decided to force him out of the village. The women, he said, had been reluctant to follow through with the declaration. At the center of their circle his mother had wept heart-brokenly, and denied her own exile._ A true Nibel woman_, they said she was. _Not into the forest_, the women cried. His mother's pleas granted him only several short months to prepare for his departure. He would have only until bitter winter ended to say goodbye.

Now the next part he told me hesitantly, as if he were not clear on the moment himself. There had been a girl he'd been fond of, who was not nice enough to call a friend, but not mean enough to label as an enemy. I immediately wondered if he'd had feelings for her, if maybe the fond remembrance in his eyes pointed towards a small boyhood crush, and of course if he still had them. No, he had said, I wouldn't trade what I have in a million years for Tifa.

Tifa was the girl's name, and he described her as having long dark hair and reddish-brown eyes. He had followed her when she strayed from the village, because the woods were dangerous and she was only just beginning to learn how to fight. She had known, and had apparently enjoyed the reserved affection and protection.

_On the night I was to leave, she called me up to the water tower. We spoke for a time, about all her escapades into the forest... And all the annoying or dangerous monsters I had to fight. We laughed a little. But it was winter time, and cold up there, so I told her that she should go home soon. She nodded and said that maybe she would. I was about to climb down when she took my hand with both of her own, and asked me to protect her if she was ever in trouble. I'm not sure why, but I agreed._

That meant something to Cloud, though he didn't know what. I suspected that it was because she was the first person, outside of his family, to treat him kindly. Then I thought of Zack. Zack must have overshadowed that friendship some, as fragile as it had seemed. His light had spread all through Cloud, encouraging him, befriending him. Within the first hour they met, they'd began a friendship much like Genesis' and mine.

My student was the cadet's whole world, from early on. I recall Zack fearing that Cloud would lose interest once he became a Soldier, and had been unable to hold in a chuckle at my Pup's naiveté. Cloud wouldn't leave him. The blond (cadet at the time) held on to people he cared about just as tightly as Zack. Even as he began to advance in rank, as other duties kept him from their alone time, he spent every moment he could making Zack happy. He met with me a few times a week to blow off some stress, to grumble about things that didn't matter and almost made him seem like Genesis, without the vast amount of arrogance. Genesis took to Cloud like a fish to water, to Zack's horror. My lover even convinced Cloud to read LOVELESS, who recited at least one verse a day for several weeks. Genesis approved and encouraged it, while I allowed Sephiroth, Zack, and myself to buy earplugs. It was like having two Genesis' around. Except one was much calmer, shorter, and blonder than the other.

Zack eventually begged Cloud to stop, and with a sigh and a smile Cloud obeyed, and we heard not one line of LOVELESS from him again. Much to Gen's disappointment. I do believe that they continued their LOVELESS study away from us, because he stopped complaining fairly soon.

Cloud loved Zack with everything he was. He gave up a great deal for him, even an invitation to join the Turks. I remember how disappointed Reno was. I thought Zack loved him too. My Pup certainly said it enough, as he was never one to hold back his emotions.

We were having something of an office party, taking up the upper lobby to relax. It was about 9 in the afternoon, and the sky outside had already fallen into darkness. Citizens were no longer allowed visitation, unless specifically invited. I was chatting with Genesis, with Sephiroth listening attentively at my side, we were all enjoying the lulling conversations in the background and the glasses of white wine in our hands. Zack was due to arrive soon, while Cloud wasn't expected to attend, as he had left on a special assignment just hours before.

Sephiroth had just set his wine glass down on the white table cloth when the conversations fell silent, leaving an awkward silence behind. Zack stood at the edge of the stairway, clad in civvies, with a pretty brunette girl at his side. His arm was around her waist, and her hands were held together nervously in front of her. She had beautiful green eyes, and wore a simple pink dress with spaghetti straps and frills that fell to her knees. Her shoes had heels that were perhaps only half an inch from the ground, and her hair spilled down her back in waist length braid.

She was amazing, and that's exactly what scared me. Because what was Zack doing with his arm around such a pretty girl, why was his hair smoothed down and his shirt tucked in?

He brought her over, and his eyes begged me, and my lovers, to just follow along.

It was then that I felt my heart sink in dread, and I saw the spark of fury enter Genesis' eyes while a frown of confusion fell upon Sephiroth's face.

"Angeal!", he spoke loudly, nervous as high hell.

He looked from the girl to me, and then back to her.

"This is Angeal Hewley, my mentor and close friend," he told her, eyes flickering to me.

"Angeal, this is Aerith Gainsborough. My girlfriend..."

I felt a kindle of anger light within my core, and heard Genesis turn and stomp off. An oppressive silence came from Sephiroth and those watching. I was obviously the deciding factor here, expose the lie that Zack had started, or remain silent?

Looking at those gentle green eyes, as I looked to the girl, Aerith, I could see her hope. She felt strongly for him, then.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Gainsborough," I said, summoning a smile. This decision was not mine, nor for anybody else to make. Zack would need to be the one to tell the truth.

"It's so nice to meet you after all this time, Zack's told me so much about you", she said with a smile, "It feels as if I already know you, with everything he's said."

"Oh? You've been seeing each other for some time then?"

"Six months and counting," Zack interjected, smiling widely.

Do you have _any_ idea what you're doing, Zack?

The party went on. Aerith was a wonderful girl, and while timid at first, quickly warmed up to Sephiroth and I. (Genesis had yet to return).

She liked gardening, and playing with the children who lived near her. She lived in the slums with her mother, and sold flowers in her spare time. Zack and her had first met several months ago, when he'd been wandering aimlessly and hadn't noticed his wallet being stolen by a boy with a haste materia. I recalled Zack telling me about such an incident, but he had never mentioned a girl.

It was nearly 11:00 when things began to simmer down, though some conversations were still animatedly going on. Aerith and Sephiroth had begun chatting, with myself sitting roughly at Sephiroth's right and Aerith to his left, while Zack was on her left and nearly directly in front of me.

I caught Sephiroth's eye as Aerith was speaking, and he subtly let his gaze drift to Zack in question.

I shook my head imperceptibly. I had no idea what the foolish boy was thinking, taking such a stupid risk like this.

At some point in the minutes following, Aerith had ended up closer to Zack, while he hugged her affectionately. She was blushing in mortification, but obviously enjoyed his random shower of love. She was a sweet girl.

Unfortunately, Zack was well-known to have the worst timing in history. Tonight was no excuse.

Silence fell again, but this time there was no awkwardness. There was horror, and in a few people satisfaction. They believed justice was about to be served on a cheating spouse, as Cloud climbed the last few steps of the stairs, his personalized 1st uniform a dark contrast to his pale skin and blond hair. His eyes first met Zack, and then Aerith, the position they were in.

Cloud was not unintelligent. He saw it for what it was. He was still, and silent. Everything was so quiet, everyone, not even a murmur or clink of cutlery could be heard.

But you could've heard a heart break, and I swear I did. It was Cloud's, and it didn't just break in two, but it shattered and struck him deeper than anything before. I saw it in the minute flinch I'm not sure even he noticed, in the way his chest filled with air and released as if he'd been punched. His jaw tightened as his eyes alighted on Zack, in something I've seen morph into a snarl when the depths of his anger alight.

I felt so bad for him, and honest anger at Zack. What was that fool thinking? How could he let Cloud go? Throw him away?

Cloud's eyes were on Aerith, a faint amount of nearly unnoticeable tears in them. I could see the anger in his shoulders slide away, and he took a few steps forward to simply study her. The poor girl didn't understand what was going on, I was sure Zack hadn't told her about Cloud. Said young man's hands shook slightly, again something only the trained eye would find invisible. The tears in his eyes dissolved, gone as if they had never been, but the air of melancholy spread thickly.

Zack was stiff and scared.

Everyone was waiting for something to be said, a cry of hurt, outrage, something.

I knew Cloud, so I expected him to simply turn around and walk out. To refuse to accept this unexpected hurt.

But he did.

He forced a smile that looked near genuine, and crouched beside Aerith's chair, keeping his gaze away from Zack.

"Hi," he said quietly.

"Hello...?", she answered, not looking from him to Zack for reassurance, as most girls would have done. I commended her bravery. Those eyes were difficult to meet, especially in troubled times.

Cloud ran a hand through his hair, glove-less, I noticed, and rested it under his chin in a light fist, with his elbow on his thigh. If it were any other situation, I'd comment on his excellent balance, but that wasn't what I was thinking about then. All I could think of was to sweep Cloud away from this pain, to shield him.

"I'm Cloud Strife, Zack's best-friend. What's your name?"

Cloud, you are amazing.

"Aerith, Aerith Gainsborough...", she chuckled somewhat, nervous once again, though quite femininely. "I'm his girlfriend...", she added.

The room held it's breath.

"You two look nice together. He's been kind to you, right? I'd have to beat him if he were treating such a pretty young lady wrongly," Cloud said with something of a smirk. I wasn't the only one who caught the pain behind his facade. I saw Zack shift uncomfortably behind Aerith, watching Cloud with a look of shame.

Aerith giggled, endearingly so, and nodded. But I saw something else behind her expression. "He's been a perfect gentlemen".

"Good", Cloud stood, "And while this party certainly seems entertaining, I have business to attend to. File reports and what-not."

"You can't stay? I'd like to get to know you better", Aerith said kindly. Her hands seemed to twitch towards him.

Cloud shook his head, "Another time, I promise. Those reports are rather important."

That's right, he was on a special assignment. He's back early, so something either went wrong or the mission details were incorrect.

"I'll hold you to it Cloud", Aerith grinned. It sounded like a promise.

The blond chuckled, nodding to me and Sephiroth as he began walking. He brushed his hand against Zack's smoothed spikes as he went, pausing ever so slightly.

"I'll see you later, Zack", he said, his smile dropping as soon as Aerith could no longer see his face.

"Later Buddy", Zack said, sounding slightly distressed. He looked as if he wanted to say something.

We all did.

Cloud stepped into the elevator, fringe hiding his eyes, and the doors closed with a strange sort of finality. Those in the room began to hesitantly whisper to each other.

The party continued for perhaps another hour, after which Zack decided to take Aerith home.

"See you tomorrow 'Geal...", Zack said, standing in front of me. His gaze was on the floor. Aerith stood beyond him, watching in concern.

"We'll talk tomorrow. Goodnight Zack, Aerith", I said, smiling for Aerith's sake. She really wasn't a bad girl, and I'd likely get along well with her. I just wished that the situation wasn't as it was.

He took her hand and lead her down and out, looking back up towards me at the doorway before they left.

Those attending began to wrap it up. Genesis returned after most of the guests were gone. His entrance was somewhat startling, as he threw open a doorway dramatically.

"What the fuck?!", he yelled, wasting no breath on pleasantries. I was surprised that he'd held it in for so long.

"While those exact words may not exemplify my emotions correctly, I believe they are appropriate for this evenings events", Sephiroth spoke, looking troubled. He calmed Genesis marginally by placing his hand on our lover's red leather-covered shoulder.

"I do not understand either", I spoke, staring at the elevator. "But perhaps we should check on Cloud?".

_"Pride is lost_

_Wings stripped away, the end is nigh_", Genesis quoted, glaring at the carpeting. "He returned, and reacted how?"

"Cloud put it upon himself to act as if he and Zachary were merely friends, to Angeal's student's relief, and did not call him out on the lie", Sephiroth said, frowning further.

"Sweet Goddess, that boy is amazing", Genesis growled, nearly quoting my earlier thought. "I wish to terminate the dog's sense of manhood for what he has done though". Genesis was scowling, his Mako blue eyes narrowed in fury and grief for Cloud.

"We'll talk with him later. For now, let's find Cloud", I ordered, heading for the elevator. Sephiroth followed at my left, stroking Masamune's hilt in thought, while Genesis sidled up right next to me on my right. I could feel him shaking with anger. Gen always had been more emotional out of the three of us.

Cloud was given private quarters on the Soldier 1st floor, but he never used them. He'd lived with Zack, and while he'd kept the Apartment if it was ever needed, it was sparsely decorated and had only the most basic of items in it. Which was perfect for him, given the mental state he must have been in. Who would want to see pictures of a seemingly thriving relationship, when it was in fact in ruins? Zack had all but thrown him away, in the way that he said nothing to explain himself.

Sephiroth, as crafty as he was, produced a Master Key-card to unlock Cloud's apartment and let ourselves in. I didn't question it, though I would later. I don't think Genesis even realized that he had it, he was so jittery in his eagerness to find Cloud.

Our blond was there, sitting on the white velvet seat of his bay window, quietly looking out into the starless sky. He'd thrown his zip up shirt off, which lay on the floor near him, as well as his boots and socks. The city lights illuminated his face and hair, which leaned against the window. Silent tears fell from his bright eyes and dripped to the cushions below.

Genesis must have nearly crushed him with the strength he put into the hug he gave Cloud. He'd been a blur of speed as he crossed the room after I opened the door.

"Little One, poor child", I heard him murmur in sympathy. Sephiroth and I sat on either side of them as Gen pulled Cloud closer to him. Cloud wasn't a child, he was a proud seventeen year old, and a Shinra Soldier to boot, but he cried like I had never seen before. Totally silent, as if he were unattached from the world. He must have been in a lot of pain though, because his hands clutched at Gen's coat.

"We're here", Genesis said softly, running his fingers through soft blond hair and resting his chin on those soft spikes. I met his eyes over Cloud's head, which was buried in-between his neck and shoulder (A place seemingly made for the purpose of weeping). Genesis was burning with rage, and I saw a clear thirst for vengeance. So dramatic, but I couldn't blame him. I was astonished and angered myself.

Sephiroth was much the same, but more at a loss for how to help.

We stayed with him for the rest of the night, until he exhausted himself and fell asleep. Genesis picked him up gently and walked into the bedroom, motioning for us to follow.

My auburn-haired lover settled Cloud on the bed, digging around for a blanket in the closet after. Once Cloud was covered, we couldn't help but study him. He looked utterly exhausted, and a great deal still upset, even asleep.

"I cannot understand Zachary's reasoning when he had such a good partner already", Sephiroth informed us quietly.

"Neither can I", I replied, shaking my head.

Genesis merely curled his lip in disgust.

"I'd like to get my hands on him".

"He will not go unpunished for it, certainly", Sephiroth placated.

It didn't seem like enough for our auburn haired General, as his hands tightened into fists.

"He'll be taught not to betray those gifted to you by the Goddess, one way or another".

We were silent for a long moment, each thinking our own thoughts.

"We should go, and return in the morning. We require rest as well", my silver-haired lover advised.

I nodded slightly in agreement, though somewhat hesitantly.

Sephiroth left the room first, casting a lingering glance back at Cloud with an unreadable expression, before disappearing beyond the doorway. I turned and went next, pausing to watch Genesis brush some hair from Cloud's face affectionately.

_"There is no hate, only joy_

_For you are beloved by the goddess_

_Hero of the dawn, Healer of worlds"_

He stroked Cloud's cheek, and met me at the door.

"He is a fragile Hero", I said gently.

"So you may think, Angeal, but so it is not", he murmured, looking back on Cloud as Sephiroth had done. When he turned away I flipped the light-switch off, and we left the room. Sephiroth was waiting at the front door.

"He will need time to compose himself", he said, closing the door after we exited. He locked it with his Master Key-card. No one would be able to disturb Cloud unless he wished for company himself, as no one had a key-card to that room but the blond.

"Indeed"

We reached our shared quarters, and prepared for bed. Brushing teeth, taking a shower, changing into pajamas. We climbed into bed, Genesis between Sephiroth and I, and pulled the covers over ourselves. Our Mako eyes lit the dark room slightly, so I knew that Sephiroth fell asleep first, his logical mind finding no reason to deprive himself of sleep over a matter that needed him to behave rationally.

But for Genesis and I, sleep did not come easily. A bond of trust had been damaged, and it stung us like an electric cord against our skin.

Zack, our wonderful, playful Pup, damaged Cloud without so much as a warning. Damaged him heavily.

I tried to justify it somehow, that at times love does strange things, but I found no plausible excuse for his actions. It was cowardly to continue such a deceptive relationship, and if there was a reason, should he not have explained?

I wondered if this hurt Zack, and knew that it did. I felt sadness for him as well, even beyond the anger and disappointment. Zack cared for Cloud, if not loved him. I just didn't know where it had changed. I hadn't noticed a change, truthfully. It made my mind go numb to look back and see all the compassion and love he'd showered on Cloud, and all Cloud had shown him.

And then this happened. Out of the blue.

Why Zack? How could you do something so cruel?


	2. Chapter 2

Cloud's eyes weren't as lively as they had been, after what Zack had done. His performance never suffered, but the spirit he'd had dimmed. It was not that he'd given up, or that he was suffering so distinctly, but he was distant, quiet, and not even Genesis could pull much more than a rueful smile from him.

And he tried. Boy did he try.

For Gen, Cloud's sadness was like snow. Pretty, like those deep blue eyes, but silent and cold. The only real time we saw something of the old Cloud was when Aerith was around. When Zack brought her around. I think the Pup was trying to fix the damage he'd caused, in a roundabout way. Aerith somehow made Cloud's eyes light up like before, even if he wouldn't smile for her. He developed a soft spot for her, which went slightly beyond Sephiroth's and my fondness for her. He's told me before that she was something of a sister and second mother to him.

I recall my amazement at the lack of bitterness or jealousy he exhibited towards her, and even his response when I put my unspoken questions to voice. He had said; "My hurt would be nothing in comparison to her's if she found out. Guilt is... Something very difficult to escape from. And she would feel guilty. Very much so. Not to mention it would put their relationship on the rocks, and that's the last thing I want to happen."

I thought about it more on my own after that, and found that I could see his logic. It seemed that over the space of a week or two, Aerith had become his main concern, while Zack was eyed with something not unlike hurt, but not quite the same thing.

I often saw the two have whispered conversations when Aerith was otherwise engaged. (With Sephiroth or myself- Genesis still had no desire to associate with Zack, for which I couldn't blame the fiery red-head.) Cloud almost always left after their talks, in a mild state of upset which he was careful to hide. That was when I'd alert Gen, who was never very far away actually, that his company might be needed. I was never told what the nature of their conversations were, but Sephiroth, with his acute hearing, told me the gist of what he'd overheard, and wouldn't say more than that. Those talks were not meant to be overhead, after all. Zack and Cloud were taking these brief moments to work out their relationship- as friends.

There was one conversation with Cloud during a mission to the plains that I won't forget anytime soon. Sephiroth had accompanied us to prevent our worry-wort red-head from coming, as Lazard thought sending three of his finest out to handle mundane tasks was over-kill at the very least, and would certainly deny Genesis' wish to join us. It was exactly what Sephiroth and I wanted, because our poor Red General was wearing himself out mother-henning Cloud, who I'm sure wasn't particularly fond of the treatment in his secluded state of mind.

We hadn't been away from the transport vehicle for more than twenty minutes when our task was finished. The three of us unanimously decided to just enjoy the green grass and rolling hills for a while, and perhaps chat a bit. I had eased out of the conversation gradually, daydreaming of nothing as I gazed up at the cloudless sky. The blue expanse drifted on and on until it met the horizon.

Sephiroth's baritone voice was warm and soothing, while the cold of Cloud's bare arm against my own kept me from dozing. Their dialogue seemed rather one-sided, with Sephiroth doing the talking and Cloud listening. That is still something that happens today, and happens with no one else, ironically. Sephiroth holding the conversation efficiently and comfortably while someone listens. It's a talent of Cloud's I believe, his soul is just that of someone who can listen to anyone and anything calmly.

I missed the initial question, which Sephiroth later revealed to both me and Genesis after some prodding, it being along the lines of _What would Zachary be to you now?_ Cloud hadn't tensed at all, but the air around him thickened with thought and... Again, that hurt that was not so.

"Zack is more than a friend, but less than a lover. I don't know what he is, really", he murmured before he stood and walked away from us, back towards the transport in the valley dip. Sephiroth and I had shared a glance, and followed.

Gen had given Sephiroth so much grief over his (rather unfortunate) question. His newly found parental instincts were something to fear, and it was almost as if he could smell fresh sadness on Cloud's being when we returned.

Hah, it was almost funny to see his joyful expression crash into murderous intent upon seeing Cloud. Almost. I've yet to hear him shriek louder than he had at Zack, but it was close.

It was well worth nursing a horrid headache to see Sephiroth flee in defense (_terror_), and see Cloud laugh, too.

He's gotten better since then. He's not the same as he used to be, and I don't think that will ever change, but he can smile now. The light he lost is back, and he's looking more and more at ease as the months pass. I think he still misses the old times with Zack occasionally, but if he does he doesn't tell. He never was one for sharing his mind. He spends a lot of time outside of Midgar now, off driving around on that new motorcycle of his. Fenrir, he calls it.

I'm pretty sure that's him driving off now... With Reno. To my frustration.

The story continues on.

* * *

><p>Genesis sat at the edge of Angeal's desk, watching a dust cloud stir up behind the wheel's of Cloud's motorcycle. His Little One was out there, speeding through the wasteland with a cackling red-head in tow. Much as Genesis disliked the young Turk, he was grateful for the peace he brought Cloud. Not that Cloud needed Reno- Genesis knew that, with or without him, their blond would recover.<p>

_I told you he was strong_, The red General thought smugly, turning to look at the ever thoughtful Angeal.

_He's not as fragile as he seems._


	3. Chapter 3

When I was a kid, just a short and scrawny boy trying to keep warm through a Nibel winter, I thought I knew the truth to it all. I thought, _if I don't already know, it won't be hard to learn anyway. _Kind of arrogant, but I was a smart kid. And I had a bit of an attitude.

I was right. Things aren't difficult for me to pick up. I caught on to my academic classes fresh out of country bumpkin Nibelheim with little trouble, and I can understand things like metaphors and personification, though I know figurative language hasn't been discussed in Ms. Mayna's schoolhouse for at least 20 years, if ever. So beyond the academia I shouldn't have, but definitely did pick up, I can read an atmosphere half a step into a room. Though I may not always know how to respond to it, and in that particular situation was rather... Conflicted.

That's what made things difficult.

Walking up those few steps, and seeing a beautiful girl smiling in Zack's arms- yeah. I wanted to rage. Who wouldn't? The shock of seeing her wrapped up in him sent my heart tumbling, in a way I'd heard described but never believed could be felt.

His eyes met mine from across the room, and I could see the desperate plea in them.

_Please don't. Please don't do it. _

And the subtle way that his fingers covered her pale little hands, the way his head jerked back by the barest centimeter said _Not her fault. Don't bring it up here. _Regardless of what other's read from him, no one knew him like I did.

Well. I never once denied Zack when he begged. Didn't really say no any other time, either. And while there was a little black flame of rage hiding inconspicuously in the pit of my stomach, it was tamed by a much greater outpour of sadness.

Zack's blue, soulful, eyes were widened with nerves and dread. He was dressed casually, but smartly. Tucked in shirt, tamed down hair. Effort had been put into his appearance. I could imagine him fettering away in front of a mirror, nervous and excited. For her. Any amusement I could have garnered from the imagery was shot down mercilessly by a vindictive and angry little voice in my mind, which sounded suspiciously like Genesis. The hurt seeped thickly on my heart, moistening my eyes with tears which clung to my lashes in stubborn refusal to fall. That was the last time I studied him in great detail, the last time our conversations would be held through minute gestures and eye contact. Zack's hands shook as I looked away from him.

I still don't pay much attention to him. The betrayal was just too sudden, hurt just a little too much. Sometimes, though not often, an irrational annoyance emanates from the depths of my heart to brush again the embers of that afore-mentioned fire. It still seethes quietly, still smolders, and I see no reason to prod the flame back to life by focusing on Zack. Planet knows Genesis took up the torch for me.

Looking at the girl, who I quite willingly see often now, I wasn't sure what to think. I didn't want to judge her with the echoes of Zack's betrayal influencing me. No organized thought could be formed, but for the sweeping fury of righteous indignation which said only: _Who?_

I could plainly tell that she was unnerved by the startled murmurs sweeping through the crowd. The undercurrent of thought was not lost on her, nor the dog-like enjoyment expressed on a few select faces. Her expression was bewildered, and I thought, slightly annoyed. She was not the only one who disliked the gazing eyes. _Pay attention to the dramas of your own life- mine aren't your concern, _came the furious snarl of the fire.

I approached her, and the thud of my boots was audible in the now silence. Ignoring the people waiting expectantly, hoping they would keep silent, I evaluated her. She was certainly beautiful. Long brown hair drawn back into a braid she wore with familiarity. Stunning green eyes, and a kind face.

_You seem so sad. _Said her eyes, for which I had no reply ready.

The unexpected emotion I found in her made my temper falter entirely. She seemed- not ethereal, and not majestic, but special. Without conscious decision, I forgave her intrusion into my life. I wanted to give her a chance.

Her perceptiveness made me smile. Small, and more for her benefit than anything, but there. She rarely needs to even try anymore- though her jokes and banter are still greatly appreciated. I can see how Zack connected with her. Talking to her is as simple as a slow blink and an upturn of the lips.

Crouching beside her as she remained sitting, I spoke simply.

"Hi"

"Hello..."

She met what I knew to be a piercing stare with uncertain confidence. I was unsure of what to say, but knew what I wanted her to know. I tugged my hair back by running cold fingers through it, and shifted slightly. I had no words ready.

"I'm Cloud Strife, Zack's best-friend. What's your name?"

_He was mine. Now he's yours. Who are you? _It came without thought. I let my emotions speak for me, while inside I was busy slamming doors on hurtful memories.

"Aerith... Aerith Gainsborough", she chuckled away her nervousness. "I'm his girlfriend".

_Why don't you know that? _Spoke her confusion. Spoke her concern. I was glad I hadn't judged her, though the curling hurt was snaking into my lungs and making breathing difficult.

"You two look nice together. He's been kind to you, right? I'd have to beat him if he were treating such a pretty young lady wrongly". I exhaled noiselessly as my lips curled into something like a smirk. I accepted the situation then, and it settled on my heart as an ache that would linger for months.

_Don't worry. I like you. But I'm kind of mad at him._

The unrest in the room stirred the darkness of the angry flame, and the situation fanned the spiraling smoke which rose from it.

"He's been a perfect gentlemen". She giggled, and I was pleased that she could take some good from the awkward situation. Glad to know that the troublesome air hadn't muffled my words. Both said and unspoken.

"Good", I stood, "And while this party certainly seems entertaining, I have business to attend to. Must file reports and what-not". I waved casually as a goodbye- and a signal for everyone's lives to begin again.

"You can't stay? I'd like to get to know you better", Aerith spoke kindly. She was honest, and I saw the lurking worry there.

_Please stay. I want to know why you're hurting. I want to help._

A small shake of my head denied her unspoken request. "Another time, I promise. While tedious at the least, those reports are rather important".

Frankly, I didn't care at all about those reports. The mission wasn't even a proper assignment, and the reports were an excuse. The President didn't need a detailed report on Heidegger's nonsense. More than he already has, anyway. But the promise was true, I'd talk to her again. I just needed to get out- was feeling too overwhelmed.

"I'll hold you to it Cloud", Aerith smiled, replying to the verbal conversation as much as the mental one.

With a last glance in her direction, I nodded to Angeal and Sephiroth. Angeal's gaze felt heavy on me, and Sephiroth's questioned how he could help.

With a touch directed towards Zack, one which acknowledged him in my life, and words to follow which spoke of the coming distance, I said:

"I'll see you later, Zack"

And he replied, "Later, Buddy". An unspoken promise to explain, and a painful request which murmured _please be my friend._

Have you ever looked back at a really bad time in life, and remembered absolutely nothing about it? It's like the haze of depression just ate up my memories. I remembered the incident clearly, but after stepping into that elevator, it seemed that my eyes just clouded up and my brain stopped translating what I saw. I'm sure most people can relate, if they've been hurt any.

I remember being shocked again when I stopped on the floor I shared with Zack, like an electric buzz that extended up my throat and down my arms. The decision where to go was automatic, to an empty apartment which housed only the bare essentials.

That felt like the loneliest night of my life, until Angeal, Genesis, and Sephiroth arrived. I feel embarrassed now, of course. I cried all over Gen. And then I fell asleep on him.

They're the best, really. Genesis and I were always _not good enough_ for the people around us in our childhood. We can relate to each other. I've always aspired to be like Angeal who is quiet but speaks with his actions, and Sephiroth and I... We just have an understanding. Really. It's astounding. He doesn't try to get me to talk, and I do the same for him. Conversation just flows.

During those few months after I met Aerith, I didn't really feel much like talking, though. It... Really was some of the worst months of my life (thus far). The betrayal was so totally unexpected. Angeal described it as 'out of the blue'. Reno interjects now that it was 'out of this world'.

Reno was an unexpected addition to my life. While I'd seen him often enough, I had never really gotten to know him. As I walked myself out of Zack's life, Reno decided to meet me at the half mile mark. He pushed himself on me fairly soon after the incident.

Our sudden friendship was a blessing, truly. While his personality matched Zack's well enough to bring me out of my state of 'funk', he was sufficiently different that his precense was bearable.

"Hey, blondie. Let's go do something, yo".

He would say.

Reno is the one who got me thinking about owning my own vehicle actually. While Soldier's usually didn't have their own method of transportation, Turks were known to own a variety of vehicles and buy them sporadically. The idea appealed to me.

I would find myself drawn out by his lackadaisical attitude. Genesis was not particularly fond of him, and often expressed his discontent. I reflect now on the situation and see that he was jealous- of what, I'm not sure. Just that he was. He was glad to see me feeling more alive, though.

There seems to be a misunderstanding that often occurs when people glance at Reno and I. Reno is not my replacement for Zack, despite outward appearances. A fact which both he and I are very aware of. Really, after that type of heartbreak? I'm not ready to believe that the best romance is spurred by the worst sadness. Yet. I could very well be proved wrong. (That gives no permission for the cosmos to make things worse.) People seem to expect us to become a couple, at any rate.

If I could describe it summarily, Genesis is my comfort, Reno is my escape, Sephiroth is my relief, and Angeal is my normality. While Genesis and Reno draw me away from memories, Sephiroth and Angeal show me what made them grand.

And Aerith is an Angel. Possibly a mind-reader.

Our mental conversations continued, except when Zack and I spoke. She always respected our privacy when it came to that, excusing a hand on the shoulder which asked: _Are you okay?_ As she left.

Zack did explain, as promised. I understood too well to unleash the fury of my anger on him, but was too hurt to forgive him.

I need to make it clear here. There are no bad guys in this story. Aerith isn't a home wrecker, and Zack isn't a lying, cheating, bastard. (He's only two of them. No, wait- Ignore the sarcasm.)

I've always known that Zack had an enormous heart. He really does have room for more than one love in his life- much like Angeal, Genesis, and Sephiroth. Trouble was that he was confused. He'd never identified himself as polygamous. And while that really isn't an excuse, I _do _understand. He over thought things. He got tangled up. Before he knew it, things were far too complicated. He loved me, and then he loved us both for a while. And now he just loves Aerith.

It's a bitter thought to realize that if he had said something, explained early on, things would be so much better. I think I could have come to love Aerith as Zack did, but now... The opportunity is gone. And I never will. And I'm still stuck with this little bit of me that loves Zack.

The price of knowing, I guess.

At this point, I can think of Zack without feeling like my soul is withering. I can meet his eyes from across the room, hold a conversation with him, and with-hold from flinching when he touches me. I can give him advice for his dates with Aerith, and talk about stupid stuff he's always been interested in.

And Genesis is always waiting to sooth the echoes of hurt, still. Sephiroth always looks for some direction on how to assist, day to day. Angeal tries to carry everyone past the event.

Angeal really is the ultimate parent, even to adults. He just leaves the nagging to Genesis.

"Cloud. Time to go".

That's him now. We're all going on a 'Mission' to the mountains. I'm sure we'll find the dragons the reports specified lived there, but they're no problem for a small group of Firsts. This is just the result of a unanimous decision to spend a week out of Midgar.

And hey, maybe I will be proved wrong about that love/sadness thing. Looking at them and the space they leave between them for me, I can sort of see it. I have a place with them.

I don't think I'd mind too much, anymore.


End file.
